


Perchance to dream

by mslilylashes



Series: Mind Palace vignettes [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drabble, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 11:41:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20705402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mslilylashes/pseuds/mslilylashes
Summary: ‘To die, to sleep – to sleep, perchance to dream – ay, there’s the rub, for in this sleep of death what dreams may come.’ — Hamlet





	Perchance to dream

Sometimes Sherlock thinks it would have been better if he’d simply died when he was given the chance — _given up the ghost_ as Culverton Smith would say — but that’s not quite right. Somehow, when he was staring down death, he’d uttered the words _I don’t want to die_, but that is also not quite right.

Maybe he doesn’t want to die. On the good days, life is electric, _he_ is electric, and _mad_, and _brilliant_, and _amazing_, and his life — the one that is full of the Work, and John, and Rosie, and _being Sherlock Holmes_ — is, by all means, a good one.

It’s those quiet moments in-between that ruin him.

The ones when he’s left alone in the dark and the quiet for too long, when he’s forced to acknowledge his history, and all the shit he’s had to survive to _get to the good stuff_ that undo him.

He is broken, and he is scarred. 

His back is a masterpiece of what men can do to each other when properly motivated.

His arms are a reminder of what men can do to themselves when they think no one else is watching.

But, he never has the time to sort through these things, that darkness that suffocates him. The game is always on, or John’s eyes are upon him, or Rosie needs someone to tuck her in, or Mrs Hudson has a tray of scones that need eating.

So instead, he throws himself into being Sherlock Holmes, and tries desperately to live up to the title, because now, being Sherlock Holmes somehow means being someone worth a damn.

Lestrade called him a good man. And Sherlock vows to spend the rest of his days striving to prove him right, even if he doesn’t quite know how.


End file.
